Family Matters: Reconciliation in Families

By Lucia Ferrara

Have you been hurt in a big way by someone who may have said or done something that did not settle right with you? Perhaps you have not spoken to them in months or years. Something is telling you to contact them and see how they are doing. Or you miss their company. Whatever the reason, the thought of reconciling your differences can be tough.

Having a close relationship with a loved one is not easy because relationships take a lot of work and patience. Suddenly you find yourself estranged from them, and do not know what to do next. The question is how do we begin to seek reconciliation?

The first thing is to pray. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you wisdom for the situation and how to initiate change. Matthew’s Gospel 5:23-24 says; “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your sibling has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

It is not a matter of who is right or wrong. To start the healing process is recognizing the fact that relationships are more important than the situation or disagreement that happened. You must see past the differences with one another.

According to Dr. Helemn McIntosh, who wrote the book, Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters, “During the [reconciliation] process, we found that parents must move forward with humility and put the relationship first, make sure you are not trying to defend yourself but instead extending yourself to the other.”

For me that means finding common ground in a situation or problem. Being able to sort out your differences can be a game changer. We do not have to agree with each other’s thoughts or perspectives on issues. However, we need to respect each other’s opinions.

Respect is another topic we could talk about until the end of time. Respect is the foundation for a healthy relationship. Treating each other with respect will create bonds in the relationship. When nurtured with respect the bond grows. This growth fosters love, communication, trust, and reconciliation.

So, with humility and respect we need to incorporate some positive energy. Being positive in situations like this is important. Positiveness leads to sharing mutual interests, expressing good feelings, and reminiscing about the good times you had together. Reconciling is easier said than done. Being vulnerable is hard, we must open up and talk about all the anger and ill feelings that have built up inside of us.

Communicating in a positive way is key. Give each other time to speak and think before you respond. Take a few moments to reflect on what you want to say. We all face conflict in our daily lives.

In the midst of family conflicts can be a perfect opportunity to grow in faith together. Bringing new levels of peace, unity and understanding. The relationship will be stronger than ever, and you will have a better handle on conflict resolution.

All the articles in the Family Matters series are available here.

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[Lucia Ferrara is the Director of Hospitality at Precious Blood Renewal Center and the lead organizer here of Parent Cafes. Share your thoughts with Lucia or ask her questions by using the form below or sending an email to Read more about the Parent Café here.]

Photo 171413853 | Mending © Sulit Photos |


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