That’s Irritating!

An Assembling God’s Puzzle video

By Fr. Garry Richmeier, C.PP.S.

People irritate us. Certain situations irritate us. We even irritate ourselves sometimes. Irritation by definition is unpleasant. Nobody really likes it. But it is part of life’s puzzle that we have to deal with somehow.

We can simply bemoan and complain about the irritants in our lives, which is the “Woe is me” approach. Or we can go on the attack to get rid of the irritants. But it may not be possible or helpful to “get rid” of those irritating people, or get rid of ourselves for that matter. And it is impossible to get rid of every irritating situation that comes up.

So what do we do with irritation?

It may seem counterintuitive, but one answer is to treat irritation as a friend instead of an enemy. Feeling irritated is often a clue that something needs to change. Like a runner who starts to feel an irritation on the bottom of her foot. It may be a sign that a blister is developing and needs attention before it gets serious. Or a recurring irritation with your significant other’s behavior. It might be an indication that something in the relationship must be addressed before it grows into a relationship-ending crisis.

What doesn’t work is to ignore irritation, explain it away, or simply hope it goes away. Like the myth of the frog in hot water, people sometimes simply endure the irritation, convincing themselves that “it’s not that bad,” or “it will go away eventually.” Sometimes that happens, but the risk is that the irritation grows unchecked till it is a major problem. Many people who remain in abusive relationships despite the pain/irritation do this.

Often, irritation is an indication that something needs to change within us, rather than something needing to change in our situation or environment. For example, I may feel irritated with myself when I make a mistake, or feel irritated with another when they make a mistake. That irritation can be a messenger telling me that I need grow in my acceptance of error as part and parcel of us human beings.

It is the same thing when I feel irritated with another person, or another religion, or another culture doing things differently than I do. That irritation is probably telling me I need to adjust my understanding of others, or loosen my rigid thinking that there is only one way to do things. It is much easier to pin the source of our irritation on others, demanding that they change, rather than considering that the irritation may be calling us to make some changes within. Most divisions, fights, and wars result from addressing irritation in this way.

In a way, it would be nice if there weren’t irritations in life. But if that were the case, there probably would be less motivation for us to develop, move, and grow as human beings.

Irritating things keep us from getting too comfortable and complacent, and they nudge us to take each step forward in finding better ways to deal with life. The challenge is to resist the urge to treat irritations as unwanted visitors, and instead, treat them as valuable messengers.

All of the videos in this series can be found here: Assembly God’s Puzzle.

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[Fr. Garry Richmeier, a Precious Blood priest and spiritual director, holds a Master’s of Divinity Degree from St John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota, and a Master’s of Counseling Psychology degree from the University of Missouri-Kansas City. He is a licensed professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist.]

Illustration ID 275871945 © Nicoleta Ionescu | Dreamstime.com — That’s Irritating! — An Assembling God’s Puzzle video

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