Humor can be ‘the best medicine’ or a curse

An Assembling God’s Puzzle video

By Fr. Garry Richmeier, C.PP.S.

It’s hard to imagine what life would be like without humor. Humor is a piece of the human puzzle almost as much as is talking and relating to each other. When we socialize, we love to laugh and tell jokes and amusing stories. When a person is asked what attracted them to their future spouse, many people say “He/she made me laugh.” We have numbers of TV channels devoted to comedy and humor. And talented comedians make very good livings by being funny.

But like all things human, humor can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how it is used. So like every other behavior or activity, it is important to stay aware of how we are using humor if we are to make life better.

Sometimes humor is a disguise for something else that is not healthy or good for us and our relationships. Take sarcastic humor for example. Sarcasm is usually thinly-veiled anger or aggression directed toward another. It’s a way of criticizing someone in a way that is not constructive, which simply condemns them. Often, we’ll use sarcasm when we’re with people who agree with us, and then we can laugh at the person we’re talking about. We often defend our comments by saying it is only humor. But such humor only serves to separate us from those we are talking about. It is easy to see how the sarcasm used in politics helps to promote polarization.

Another way humor is misused is by satirizing or making fun of others. We tend to do this to people that are different than us in some way, like people from other cultures or backgrounds. If we have little personal connection with such people, we may not understand them, and we may even have a little fear of them deep inside. It then becomes easier to trivialize, satirize, and criticize them by mimicking their accent, exaggerating what we consider their strange behavior, or negatively stereotyping them in some way. Racist jokes are examples of this, as are (were?) the “dumb blond” jokes, and many others. When challenged, people who do this often defend themselves by saying they were only joking, and suggest that anyone who objects is too “thin skinned” and can’t take a joke. But again, using humor in this way only serves to separate and divide us.

But humor can unite and bond people in amazing ways if treated properly.

Just think of the last time you gathered with friends and had some good laughs. Sharing emotional moments, including humorous moments, is a gut-level experience that brings us together in relationship. When we experience that “sameness,” it becomes much more difficult to reject or harm each other, and it becomes easier to work, play, and live together well.

A rule of thumb to follow in deciding if humor is helpful or hurtful is to ask the question “Is this humor at the expense of anyone?” Editorial humor has for years been used to point out inconsistencies in the behavior of public figures. But that can be different from attacking someone, if it is directed toward the results of the person’s actions rather than using it to demonize the person themselves. In the Middle Ages, the court jester had a very important role. He was the only person allowed to point out the king’s mistakes, but he had to do it skillfully with humor. He wouldn’t be around long if he attacked the king himself. The skillful humor allowed the king to reconsider his own actions without having to behead a person who called him a “schmuck” to his face.

One of the best uses of humor is to laugh at oneself when appropriate. Each of us is a comical bag of inconsistencies and paradoxes and mysteries. And sometimes the events in our lives could put any sitcom to shame for being funny and unpredictable. I know I’ve demonstrated some pretty funny slapstick comedy when I’ve tripped over my own two feet or did some other silly thing. Sometimes you just have to laugh. As they say, it’s better than crying about it. And laughing at ourselves helps us to be a little humbler, knowing that we are not perfect and don’t have it all together. It also makes our next gaffe or mistake or embarrassing moment easier to endure. It becomes easier to laugh again at ourselves instead of berating ourselves. And if we can laugh at our own mistakes and idiosyncrasies in a good-natured way, we probably will be able to do that with others. This enables us to realize that we are all in the same boat, dealing with the same things. And then maybe we can be a little more open to walking with, and helping each other, rather than laughing at the foibles of others, pretending that we’re different, and letting that divide us.

The world would be a sad place without humor. But it is a sad place when humor is misused. We need to continue to laugh, but it works much better if we laugh with each other, not at each other.

All of the videos in this series can be found here: Assembly God’s Puzzle.

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[Fr. Garry Richmeier, a Precious Blood priest and spiritual director, holds a Master’s of Divinity Degree from St John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota, and a Master’s of Counseling Psychology degree from the University of Missouri-Kansas City. He is a licensed professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist.]

Photo ID 365547023 | Humor © Ruslan Batiuk | Dreamstime.com — Humor can be ‘the best medicine’ or a curse — An Assembling God’s Puzzle video

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