Family Matters: Restoring Family Relationships

By Lucia Ferrara

“Restoration,” according to dictionary.com, is “the act of returning something to its former condition.” In other words, it means taking something that is worn or broken and making it like new again.

Restoration is a process that we might need to apply to our familial relationships.

Family relationships and dynamics can be tough to navigate sometimes. We hold high standards or expectations of certain members of family and friend groups. When those are not met, we get angry, upset, resentful and much more.

Unmet expectations put a strain on those relationships. I would even say that with this comes emotional trauma, generational curses and disconnected bonds. The good news is that relationships don’t have to remain in these worn, broken conditions. They can be restored; they can be made new again.

Psychotherapist and author Dr. Zoe Shaw says, “If you honestly pursue [mending a relationship]. almost any relationship it can be restored.” Such advise gives me hope.

I’m not an expert, but I have experience and with experience comes knowledge. Here is what I know.

Restoring an estranged relationship takes a lot of time and patience. It does not heal overnight. A lot that goes into it. Parties need to ask why they are willing to strengthen the bonds that were lost? Who is willing to make the first move?

When asking who will take responsibility, it is good to remember that it takes two to make a thing go right! Figuring out each other’s part and owning up to it is one of the first steps. You need to respect each other’s opinions and boundaries when confronting the issues.

Remember to self-reflect before the meeting begins; know where you stand. Be prepared mentally and emotionally for whatever the outcome is.

Go in with no expectations. Go in with grace instead. That is what God gives us.

Our heavenly Father’s restoring power is noted in many scriptures in the Bible but one that stands out to me is from 1 Peter 5:10 “After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” What encouragement this brings to ourselves and our families, knowing that God can restore all situations and that suffering is purposeful and temporary.

The most important idea I can leave you with is before you initiate any conversation or confrontation is to talk to God first. Pray, pray, pray. Ask God to give you direction, wisdom, and grace.

Going through this complicated process will not only strengthen your relationship with the other person but will strengthen your relationship with God. Forgiving does not free the other person it frees you. Freeing yourself from this allows you to grow.

Everything is a process; you got this!

All the articles in the Family Matters series are available here.

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[Lucia Ferrara is the Director of Hospitality at Precious Blood Renewal Center and the lead organizer here of Parent Cafes. Share your thoughts with Lucia or ask her questions by using the form below or sending an email to info@pbrenewalcenter.org. Read more about the Parent Café here.]

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